It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
