You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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