I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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