My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
