i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
