I'm lost and stupid without you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
