Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
