it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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