sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
