where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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