Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
