oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ttyl tear gas
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
