Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
