my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So vagazzling was a success
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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