we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
