So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
