i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
