I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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