Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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