my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
