I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
