none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
