Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
