dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
