I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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