All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
