Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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