she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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