so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
