with your own penis?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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