The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
