Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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