I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Drake has all the answers
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
