I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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