i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
