that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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