Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
