I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
