I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
