A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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