Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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