I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
