Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
