I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
