Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
