I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
