hotel room ftw
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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