haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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