if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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