Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
