Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
