3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
