so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
