would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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