I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
