I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
